Illusive Dreams
by Tanya Takaishi
Summary: Three years after the gate to the digital world closed, the portal opened again. A decade later, Matt is left in insanity, reliving the deaths of four friends. For Mimi, Kari, and TK, he's their only hope for the truth.
1. Chapter One

[Author's note: 6/1/12 - This fic just went through a major rewrite, so if you've read it before, I beg you to re-read since some plot bunnies have changed (there are a lot more scenes) and the quality of writing is better than it was before. For all the newbies: I started writing this fic before Aventure 02 was released in the US; therefore this will only feature the original Adventure cast and all happenings in 02 will be disregarded. The timeline of the story will flash back and forth between 3 to 13 years after the gate to the digital world was closed. I'm going complete dub here on you guys 'cause I know it best! That means during the "current" portions of the story (13 years later), Matt is 25, Mimi is 24, and TK & Kari are 22. I love hearing from my readers, so please review with your thoughts or feel free to message me with any questions. Enjoy! – Tanya]

**Illusive Dreams  
Chapter One**

* * *

_August 13, 2002_

Icy blue eyes darted frantically around the dark cavern.

_Where is it? _

His mind raced for an explanation, but there was only one… the answer he could not face.

_No. _Hot tears melted the ice in his eyes. _It can't be gone._

The drop of a heavy tear splashing in a crimson puddle echoed against the stone walls.

"No," his voice cracked with sorrow. He had worked so hard and done so much... all for nothing. He dashed away his tears with the back of his glove, angry with himself for crying. He turned and walked between the lifeless figures of his comrades, covering his boots in splashes of red.

Outside, the sunshine reflected in the freshly fallen snow, bright and untouched. Each drag of his feet left stains of sin behind him, scarlet blotches in a white veil. A cold stab penetrated his soul and he fell to his knees and let the pain overtake him.

Inhuman screams filled the air, but they were only met by silence.

* * *

_March 5, 2012_

The familiar streets and the steady stream of Japanese spoken by the crowds brought back memories she thought she had forgotten, resurfacing with the horrible truth that the days she treasured were gone forever.

"Miss?"

Mimi Tachikawa startled and turned to the cab driver who had dumped a suitcase by her feet and was waiting expectantly. She fumbled through her purse and handed the cabby his fair before approaching an old apartment complex.

The dingy place seemed to be filled with a combination of starving artists, just barely able to afford their own apartments, and the legitimately poor. She passed by a couple of kids, fresh out of college, who were painting a mural in the entrance and an old woman, huddled on the steps, waiting for the bus. When the elevator door closed, she felt relieved by the silence, but too soon it opened again and her anxiety mounted. Her footsteps echoed in the concrete hallway, almost in sync with the thumping in her chest. When she lifted her eyes to fixate them on the golden plate of the apartment door, her hand hovered for a moment and she noticed her fingers were shaking.

Mimi's forehead crinkled in frustration. This wasn't even the hard part…not yet. She took a breath to strengthen her resolve and pushed the doorbell, almost cringing as the annoying buzz sounded inside the apartment.

With a creak, the door swung open and a tall blonde dressed in a green polo shirt and faded blue jeans smiled softly at her.

"Hey Mimi."

She studied the young man's face. It was more masculine than before, all his baby fat having faded away with age, and it had lost the brilliant innocence she had once been so fond of. His hair still fell the same way, messy strands mixing into his blond brows and his eyes… those intense blue eyes reminded her of his brother.

"Hi…" she breathed after he shifted uncomfortably under her gaze.

"Uh... come on in. I just need to get some things together and then we can leave." He grabbed her suitcase and motioned for her to step inside before depositing it in the small foyer.

The apartment was a mess. Unfolded laundry was piled on what must've been a couch underneath, dirty dishes overflowed from the sink to the counters, and take out boxes were strewn across the dining room table, almost burying a laptop and a mound of notebook paper filled with scribbles, but what caught Mimi's eye were the newspaper clippings that were scattered all over the carpet.

Her host started picking up random objects off the floor.

"Sorry about the mess." A slight blush grew across his cheeks. "I've been really busy trying to finish my book." He picked up the newspaper articles and Mimi's eyes watered as she caught the headline of one of the clippings.

"TK…" she murmured.

He paused and his fingers tensed around the article, creasing the old paper.

"Can I…?"

"I… I've been trying to piece everything together," TK explained as he handed the paper over.

_**Missing Children Presumed Dead, Young Suspect Charged with Murder**__  
__February 12, 2003_

_Six months after four Odaiba children were declared missing, 15-year-old Yamato Ishida is charged with their murder. The younger sister of one of the missing children, 15-year-old Taichi Kamiya, came forward to police earlier this week, declaring herself as an eyewitness to the murder of her brother, however the children's remains have yet to be found. Ishida was committed to an in-patient psychiatric hospital soon after their disappearance. "The prosecution is seeking to try my client as an adult, but we're fighting to change that," said Ishida's lawyer, "He has no prior criminal record. He's a sick kid, not a murderer." Ishida will remain under psychiatric care until his trial later this month._

"Did Kari testify at the trial?" Mimi asked TK, feeling her heart ache for him.

TK nodded, and his cheeks tightened as he clenched his jaw. "It didn't matter. There wasn't enough evidence and since she had only seen bits and pieces…" He placed the pile of articles in a neat stack on the coffee table. "It's for the best. Matt needs help, not a prison cell."

Mimi watched TK filter through the articles and pull out a few, shoving them into a bag on the floor.

"Matt's doctor thought that it might help him if he could read about what happened rather than be told… he doesn't really remember much about the year after the others disappeared." He smiled a haunted, but hopeful smile. "I think seeing you will help."

Mimi nodded wordlessly as TK threw on a coat and strung the bag over his shoulder.

"Ready?" he asked.

"I guess so."

The pair left the apartment and walked in tense silence to the Odaiba mental health institution.

* * *

He followed the nurse through the halls of the deranged, unflinching at the sights of mental chaos that unnerved his companion so much that she looked near tears.

A patient with wild eyes passed them by, mumbling obscenities to an unknown source, and Mimi's hand circled TK's wrist. He could feel her trembling and he slid his hand around hers, squeezing it reassuringly. There was a time in his past that he had felt the same as she had, completely overwhelmed and helpless in a place he never thought he would have to visit.

Now this place was like a second home to TK and this place, with its white, deteriorating walls covered in motivational posters, blood, and the occasional smear of feces was his brother's only home now. It was no place for a girl like Mimi who was dressed in a silk blouse and a pretty pencil skirt.

They reached the common room and TK could see the outline of his brother's hunched form hovering over a keyboard, one of the few musical instruments deemed safe for the unstable. A soft melody flooded through the senseless muttering and carried over the voices from the group class that took place down the hall. A few patients gathered around, taking in the music, while others shouted at him to shut up.

"Mr. Ishida, you have visitors," said the nurse. "Your brother brought his girlfriend," she added, smiling coyly at them.

TK's cheeks warmed. "Just a friend," he mumbled, but Mimi had only tightened her trembling grip on his fingers.

The music stopped.

"Hey TK," Matt greeted, looking over his shoulder. A layer of blond stubble lined his chin and the usual shade of gray outlined the bags beneath his eyes. Matt's doctor had explained the intensity of his brother's night terrors to TK once; nightmares that caused him thrash so wildly that he was often restrained. The doctor prescribed sleeping pills, but they never seemed to help.

"Hi Matt." TK forced a smile as his brother approached them, clad in a dingy sweatshirt and a pair of pajama pants (free of its string, of course, since it could possibly be used as a noose). It must not have been one of his better mornings. When Matt had a bad night, he tended not to dress himself. Sometimes he would stay in pajamas for days at a time when the depression set in. "How are you doing?"

"Better, I think," Matt replied, but it was obvious from the expression on his face that his words were only for TK's sake. "I haven't had any episodes for a few days." His eyes had wandered to Mimi as he said this and TK thought he saw a hint of recognition in them. "I know you…"

"Matt…" Mimi blubbered, tears threatening to make an appearance. "You don't remember me?"

The recognition transformed into shock and for a brief moment TK wondered if the appearance of their old friend would trigger his brother's delusions, but instead he only choked out one word.

"Mimi?"

Her grip on TK's hand slowly loosened and then, in a fit of emotion, Mimi had thrown herself against his brother, encircling her arms around his middle and loosing tears into his chest. "I'm so sorry! I should've written or visited, but I…" she let out a choking sob, "I- I've missed you so much!"

Pain crawled like a disease onto Matt's face as he stood stiffly in the hysterical girl's hold and just as TK was certain he would melt down, Matt's arms slowly encircled around her.

"You're not wearing pink," he mumbled.

A tearful laugh broke through Mimi's outburst and she slowly pulled away, wiping away the lines of mascara from beneath her eyes with her fingertips. "I grew out of that, I guess."

"You grew up."

"So did you."

"You didn't tell me she was coming," Matt said, looking somewhat accusingly at his younger brother.

"I did," TK answered. "Last week, remember?"

It was obvious by the confusion in Matt's eyes that he didn't, but he said, "Oh, yeah" anyway.

The announcement of Mimi's visit had followed a particularly emotional hallucination. It was the only time TK had been able to visit his brother before she arrived. He had spoken to Matt's doctor briefly about their old friend's decision to reappear into their lives and the doctor had decided reuniting with a friend so close to the events that had triggered Matt's delusions may help aid in his recovery. It was good, because once Mimi had set her mind on seeing Matt again, there was not much TK could say to stop her. She was as stubborn as always.

"Are you still singing?" Matt asked.

Mimi shook her head, continuing to wipe her tears. "I haven't sung much since…" she trailed off and shot a glance at TK, worried she had said something wrong.

TK could see the understanding hammer through his brother's fragile barrier.

"I'm sorry..." Matt's shaking hand straggled its way through his hair, gripping it in agony. "I'm so sorry, Mimi."

"No, you didn't do it… you couldn't have…"

"I don't know…"

The phrase was so honest, always so honest, that TK truly believed that his brother couldn't remember what happened during that fateful camping trip almost ten years ago.

"You didn't, Matt. I know you didn't. They were your friends… you never would've hurt them."

"But I have… I've hurt you all before."

"That's not the same; you and Tai were always fighting," Mimi argued. Then, lowering her voice, she added, "Cherrymon manipulated you… you were just a kid."

There was a strange flicker in Matt's eyes and he seemed to lose focus on the conversation. "Don't say that!" he growled angrily.

"But… you were!"

"No!" Matt shouted. He had turned his attention to something beyond Mimi. "Just go away, stop coming here!"

"Matt, calm down… it's not real," TK soothed, taking a slow step toward Mimi and gently tugging her behind him. He placed a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" Matt pulled himself away and both hands cradled his head as he continued to watch the empty space behind them. "You don't understand, they weren't going to hurt me, I needed them! I didn't know they would…I didn't know!"

Tears began to flood down Matt's face like heavy streams and his hand flew into a bookcase as if he were batting away an oncoming predator. His fist came back covered in blood.

The nurse and two attendants came upon him then, one holding syringe. "Ishida, you need to relax, you're scaring the other patients," demanded a burly man in scrubs.

"Tai, stop, please… I can't take it anymore," Matt sobbed desperately, stumbling.

Mimi's hands shot to her mouth and her own tears returned. It wasn't the first time TK had heard Matt shout Tai's name. He seemed to haunt his brother's hallucinations more than the others did.

One of the attendants took the opportunity to restrain him and Matt panicked. "Oh... don't let him take me, TK!" Matt begged, meeting his brother's eyes. He tried to pull away as the nurse shoved the needle into his arm, spilling the sedative into his bloodstream.

"TK… I've got to help him," Matt whimpered, his gaze drifting off again as the sedative began to take hold. "He's just a little kid… he needs me…"

He struggled violently one more time before his body finally gave into the medication. TK helped the attendants heave Matt's limp form onto a couch where he slumped back heavily, eyes glossy with drugs and tears.

"Yamato…" a gruff voice soothed and TK looked up to see the doctor approaching. He was wearing a long white coat and black slacks and his face was covered with a graying beard. "You need to take your pills. The nurse found a few days worth under your mattress. I hate having to give you the sedative."

Matt's glazed eyes glanced at the doctor briefly. "Pills… make me hazy…"

"You feel worse now though, don't you?"

More tears were the only answer the sedated man gave.

"When the sedative wears off we're going to have a meeting in my office." The doctor turned to TK and patted his shoulder comfortingly before addressing the distraught woman cowering behind him.

"You must be Mimi."

"Yes," Mimi sniffled and rubbed a hand across her face, which only smeared her makeup.

"Come back when Yamato's on his medication. I think speaking with you will help him, but we need him stable first."

She nodded obediently as she watched Matt struggle beneath the heavy weight of the sedative. TK could tell that the hallucinations had continued beneath, trapping him in a world where he could only watch the horrors he had endured and do nothing to fight them. TK slowly slipped the bag off his shoulder and handed it to the doctor.

"When he's feeling better…"

The doctor smiled. "Of course."

"Matt," TK murmured, watching his brother's disoriented gaze wander, "We'll come back later, ok? Hang in there…"

Glazed eyes attempted to meet his glance, but Matt couldn't quite focus. "Sorry… I'm sorry…"

"It's ok. Get some rest…"

Mimi looked like she wanted to say something, but she only tearfully followed TK and the nurse back out into the lobby. It was there where Mimi collapsed into his arms, overcome by the emotional reunion with the man charged with the murder of their four friends, crying about the unfairness of it all. TK realized then that despite her grown appearance, she was still the scared little girl that didn't want to fight, the same little girl that he used to play with in the digital world.

Some things never changed.

Everything else did.


	2. Chapter Two

**Illusive Dreams**  
**Chapter Two**

* * *

_March 5, 2012_

"He's diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia."

Mimi watched TK rub the bridge of his nose through the steam coming off her cup of tea. They were back in the Takaishi apartment, nursing their drinks over the table that Mimi helped him clean off. There were now three full bags of trash sitting by the entryway.

"What does that mean?"

"He has hallucinations, hears voices. He usually talks to Tai. Once I heard him talking to Izzy, but that was before he…" TK trailed off vaguely as if changing his choice of words, "… before Mom convinced Dad to commit him. Sometimes he'll just sit and stare at nothing and other times he'll just start sobbing, even if everything was fine a minute ago."

"Poor Matt..." Mimi whispered. She thought back to the tortured man who, except for his unique Japanese-French features, barely resembled the boy she had known before, and even those features had changed. His hair was shorter, but unkempt, and his cold blue eyes were wild, so unlike the collected boy who often had to keep their hotheaded leader in line. "Will he ever get better?"

TK took a long sip of his tea before answering. "He's improved some. The first year he was hospitalized, Mom wouldn't let me visit him. She thought I was too young to understand, I guess. When I finally saw him again, he had a meltdown. I had a big growth spurt that summer, so he didn't recognize me. He started asking me who I was and what I had done with TK…" he took another sip of tea and kept his eyes focused on his mug when he set it down, "It took months of counseling and visits before he finally accepted me again."

Tears stung Mimi's lids at the thought of Matt denying the little brother he had always been so protective of. "That must have been awful…"

"The point is that he's capable of listening to reason. He's started recognizing when he's hallucinating, which his doctor said is a huge step."

"Does he really think I can help? I feel like I only made things worse today."

"He gets like that when he's off his medication," TK explained, lifting his eyes to meet her gaze. He smiled reassuringly. "If Dr. Hamada thinks that talking to you will help, than it will. There' s been a lot of progress since he took over Matt's treatment a few years ago."

"That's great!" Mimi exclaimed. "Maybe he will get better then!"

The words had barely left Mimi's mouth when she noticed his expression turn downtrodden.

"He'll never be the same, Mimi."

There was a moment of tense silence between them until Mimi realized that her long fingernails were making indentations in her palm. She uncurled her fist and wrapped her hand around her warm mug. "None of us will."

A sharp rapid knocking jolted them both out of the heavy cloud of hopelessness that lingered around them. TK excused himself and trudged to the apartment door. After peeking out of the peep hole, his whole body visibly stiffened and he slowly opened the door, but the visitor remained blocked from Mimi's view.

"We need to talk," a young woman's voice murmured softly.

"Ok," TK answered, sounding accommodating, but also unsure. He sent Mimi a sideways a glance and whispered something to the visitor.

There was a small gasp of surprise and the door slowly creaked open, revealing a woman about TK's age with smooth shoulder-length brown hair and bright chocolate eyes. She was wearing a warm wool sweater with leggings and a pair of flats. Her face seemed to suggest that she had recently faced a round of sleepless nights, but there was no mistaking her.

"Kari!" Mimi cried, jumping to her feet and smiling genuinely. TK had to hop back to avoid the collision as she wrapped the younger girl in a crushing hug. Mimi felt Kari's arms slowly wrap around her middle and just as Mimi was about to pull away, Kari's fingers curved tightly around the fabric of her blouse and her entire body began to shake as she buried her face in Mimi's shoulders and loosed a flood of tears.

It took all her strength not to follow suit as Kari sobbed in her arms. When Mimi rested her cheek on Kari's head and pulled her closer, she glanced at TK's reaction. He looked completely bewildered, but her gaze seemed to snap him out of his daze and he shut the door as Mimi carefully led Kari to the sofa, sitting her down after TK cleared away the piles of laundry. He disappeared down the hallway with the clothes as Mimi smoothed Kari's hair.

"I-I'm sorry," Kari hiccupped. "I just haven't seen you for so long and…"

As soon as TK returned, Kari relapsed into heavy sobbing. Mimi wiped away her own tears and then looked to the blonde, trying to discover the source of Kari's behavior. The two had fallen out after the others disappeared. TK adamantly defended his brother while Kari claimed Matt was the one responsible for her own brother's death. A few years after the trial, they slowly repaired their friendship, but Mimi was still surprised to see her here in TK's apartment. She hadn't realized they had grown that close again.

"Kari…" TK said softly to the girl that had reburied her face in Mimi's shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"It…It's…" Kari stuttered. She pulled away from Mimi and slid her palms across her face. "I…"

"You shouldn't keep things bottled up, remember what the counselor said."

There was just the faintest flash of bitterness on Kari's face. Then with one shaking breath, she looked TK in the eyes and said, "I'm pregnant."

Mimi had to stifle a gasp. TK's mouth had dropped open in shock and by his stunned reaction, Mimi came to the conclusion that the two had grown even closer than she expected.

TK's mouth moved slightly, but he only could spit out, "Y-you…"

"The doctor called me with the results of the blood test this morning."

"You- you didn't tell me you-" TK seemed incapable of finishing his sentence and he collapsed onto a chair, staring blankly into the space ahead.

Mimi slowly stood up and grabbed her suitcase as TK ran both of his hands through his hair. She tried to sneak by and find the guest room on her own, but Kari was already apologizing profusely for being rude and standing to leave.

"No!" Mimi protested, grabbing her hands. "Don't go." She turned to the distraught blond who had remained frozen in place. "You should talk… I need to sleep off this jet lag anyway."

"No, I shouldn't have come…" Kari mumbled.

Before Mimi could argue, two arms hooked around Kari's waist and TK buried his face in the crook of her neck.

"Stay," he whispered.

When Kari's tears started anew, Mimi slipped away unnoticed.

* * *

The loose feeling in his arms was slowly receding, draining into his core until only his chest felt heavy rather than his entire body. He was sure his heart was beating too slowly.

Matt's eyes wandered from his wrist to the slender fingers of the nurse who was taking his pulse. He took in the tint of her lightly tanned skin as his gaze trailed up her arm and onto her face. Her brows creased in concentration as she counted the beats and the time on her watch. Her eyes were dark brown, but her short auburn hair and her motherly mannerisms reminded him of Sora. He had mistakenly called her by that name a number of times. The similarities were so striking that the nurse's real name never stuck.

"I think you're ready to see Dr. Hamada now," she declared as she released his wrist. "Your pulse is back to normal."

"Still feels slow," Matt answered. "I'd rather sleep."

"He's got another appointment in a half-hour, so you can nap soon," she soothed. "You should really take your pills, Mr. Ishida."

There was that kind motherly voice, demanding and concerned. He swore that if Sora had lived to be this young woman's age, she would've looked just like her. When he asked TK about it, his brother had said Sora was prettier.

"You're not related to the Takenouchis, are you?"

"No, not a single Takenouchi in my family," the nurse said patiently. "You don't remember asking me that last week?"

The fingers on Matt's hand began to twitch involuntarily. "I forgot…"

"It's ok. Come on; let me take you to Dr. Hamada."

Matt slowly sat up and then, with help from the burly attendant who had restrained him earlier that morning, he managed to stand. They walked down the hall and a guard on the other side of the door unlocked it so they could pass through.

"Ishida, n-no more mu-music today?" asked an aging man with a tick that jerked his entire body as Matt walked through the doorway.

"No," Matt muttered and the door shut behind him.

The nurse knocked gently on an office door with Dr. Hamada's name written in kanji on a golden plate. "Yamato Ishida is ready to see you."

"Let him in."

"Thanks," Matt bowed politely as she opened the door and he stepped inside. His eyes wandered across the familiar room, taking in the plaques of recognition and framed credentials, anything but the disappointment on the doctor's face.

The door clicked behind him and he took a seat in a plush chair across from Dr. Hamada. Matt took a moment to briefly enjoy the heavy decorative items in the room. Everything in the ward was taped to the wall or very light. Nails were deemed dangerous.

"You didn't get dressed this morning."

Matt absently yanked on his pajama bottoms, but he didn't bother to make an excuse.

"You already know what I'm going to tell you, Yamato."

"Pills," Matt grumbled, still not meeting the doctor's gaze.

"I know that you're unhappy with the side-effects, but they've been our best option in keeping your hallucinations at bay. There are, however, some experimental drugs that the hospital is looking into that I think could be more beneficial. If you'd promise to take them and record your reactions, we can begin to lower your current dosage."

"Fine."

"Tell me about Mimi."

The involuntary twitching in Matt's fingers began to intensify.

"She was a childhood friend, correct? One that attended the summer camp where you met the other children?"

"Yes."

"Who did you see when you reunited with her?"

Matt began to drum his thumb against the armrest of his chair. "Tai…"

Dr. Hamada nodded. "I'm not going to drill you about your hallucinations today. I want you to take a look at these." He pulled out a bag from under his desk.

Matt grabbed it apprehensively and he pulled out a scrap of old newspaper. His eyes flickered across the title.

_**Four Local Odaiba Children Still Missing  
**__August 20, 2002_

Matt finally glanced at the doctor's face. Dr. Hamada was watching him carefully, as if waiting for him to snap. His graying brows were knit together with concern. Unlike Matt's old doctor, this man seemed to genuinely care. It had been a long time since anyone but his own family had cared and sometimes Matt wasn't sure they hadn't written him off as well. He forced himself to push those thoughts aside and he continued to read.

_Six Odaiba children were reported missing after they disappeared from their campsite on August 1st. Susumu Kamiya, father to two of the missing children, was chaperoning the trip and told authorities that he woke to find that they had disappeared sometime during the night. After almost two weeks, search parties located Kamiya's twelve-year-old daughter, Hikari in the woods about twenty miles from the site of her disappearance. Twenty-four hours later, volunteers found fifteen-year-old Yamato Ishida unconscious in an abandoned warehouse less than two miles from Hikari's location. Both children were placed in intensive care and are undergoing psychiatric evaluation. Four of the six children: Joe Kido, Taichi Kamiya, Sora Takenouchi, and Koushiro Izumi, remain missing. Authorities are due to call off the search of the surrounding woods late next week, but an ongoing investigation will take place._

"I've asked your brother to collect articles and other documentation surrounding the event that took place in the woods," said Dr. Hamada.

Matt swore he felt his heart slowing.

_"You know, I still don't get what happened back there, Matt."_

Even _that_ voice didn't speed his pulse. Matt's gaze wandered to the bushy haired figure leaning carelessly against Dr. Hamada's desk. The fifteen-year-old boy smiled sloppily at him and picked up a decorative paperweight shaped like the globe and tossed it haphazardly into the air, catching it again in one hand.

"I don't know what happened," Matt answered, turning back to Dr. Hamada.

"What do you remember?"

"_You do remember. You just don't want to," _the boy claimed as he continued to toss and catch the paperweight of the world.

Matt's eyes flickered to the boy and followed the paperweight's journey up and down. "Why can't you just leave me alone?" he growled.

"Yamato… what do you see?"

_"Do you really want to be left alone?" _This voice was disembodied.

"Gabumon..." Matt breathed the name.

_"If that's what you want, I'll respect your wishes and disappear. But only if that's what you really want." _

"Is he upsetting you?"

Matt ignored the doctor and closed his eyes, muttering a chant he was taught when he first entered treatment, trying to distract himself.

The Buddhist mantra mingled with more words. "_You can't ignore us, Matt."_

"Shut up, Tai! Shut up!"

"Yamato, I need you to open your eyes. I'm losing you."

Matt shook his head and tried to hold back the tears that stung his eyelids. "No."

"I know Dr. Matsuo taught you to distract yourself, but I think you'll benefit more by acknowledging the hallucinations."

"He's not real. None of them are real," Matt argued.

"_I am too."_

Matt finally opened his eyes and took in Tai completely. He had stopped juggling the globe and his dark eyes were watching him intensely. He looked exactly how he had that summer. How did a memory almost a decade old stay so accurate?

"They're real to you."

A tear slipped down Matt's cheek as he watched Tai turn to the doctor.

"_I like this guy."_

Matt choked out a laugh. "You would."

"What did he say?"

Matt kept laughing through an onslaught of tears. "He likes you."

Dr. Hamada smiled. "Tell him that if he behaves himself, I'll like him too."


	3. Chapter Three

**Illusive Dreams**  
**Chapter Three**

* * *

_March 6, 2012_

Sunlight beamed into her eyelids, waking her from a restless sleep. She glanced at the tattered sheet tacked over the window that acted as a makeshift curtain and her fingers brushed against soft skin when she moved her hand. A red blanket was nestled around her, leaving her companion exposed. The blond hair on his chest shimmered in the light.

Somehow, she always came back to him.

"Kari…" TK murmured as he woke, touching her side. His hand trembled as his fingers crawled to the space just below her navel.

"I should've stayed away from you," Kari whispered.

TK withdrew his hand as if she had struck it. She let him sit up and watched as he struggled to find something to say. After he started to look pitiful, she couldn't help but seek out the hand he had removed and bring it to her lips.

"But I've never been able to," she said, kissing his knuckles. "Even when it hurts."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"I know."

Kari could sense his stare, but she kept her gaze locked onto his hand as she separated his fingers and observed the beds of his nails.

"Kari… are you…?"

"I'm keeping it. You shouldn't even have to ask that."

"You hate me."

"I love you."

"Sometimes."

"Tai loved you," she whispered. "He would've wanted me to keep it."

"He would've wanted to kill me."

"Probably."

They both chuckled, but the laughter died away as quickly as it normally did.

"What am I going to do?" Kari wondered, lowering his hand to her chest.

"Move in with me."

"I still have to finish school. I'm already a year behind."

"I can support us."

"TK…"

"I'd ask you to marry me, but you'd just say no."

Kari's eyelashes fluttered upwards, taking in his downcast expression, but she couldn't deny his words. Instead, she sat up a placed a chaste kiss on his lips.

"You're afraid, aren't you?" he mumbled against her earlobe after he spread kisses across her face.

"Of course I am."

He pressed his cheek against her temple in an obvious attempt to keep from meeting her eyes. "That the baby will look like me…"

Those features so rare in Japan, the natural blond hair and cerulean eyes, haunted her dreams. And yet in her waking moments, she couldn't help but run to them. She thought of a baby that resembled _him_… a child that would grow to stare at her with the same icy gaze.

"Yes," she answered honestly, since he already knew.

* * *

The object was intoxicating. The sound of water dripping from stalactites seemed to sync to the pulse that drummed in his fingertips as they pressed against the smooth mahogany box in his hands.

"This doesn't feel right," his partner whispered.

"I have to do this, Gabumon. There's something special inside this, something powerful." Matt turned the box over in his hands, studying the brass lock. There were strange inscriptions engraved in the wood, foreign to both him and the digimon. He turned it over again and ran his fingers over them as if the feel of the script could translate its meaning.

"Please, Matt. Don't open that thing. I don't like it."

"I've been looking for something ever since we came back to the digital world. I think this is it." The pulsing in his fingers intensified, spreading into his wrists and up in his arms until his entire being felt a strange power flood through him. "I have to open it."

Matt pulled a pocket knife from his back pocket and flipped it open to a tiny flathead screwdriver. Sitting on a rock he slowly began to manipulate the lock, ignoring his racing heart at each sound he heard, afraid he'd be caught. Gabumon paced in front of him and occasionally made a comment about how wrong this all was, but otherwise didn't attempt to stop him. Sweat began to poor down Matt's forehead and a panic rose in the back of his throat.

What if it didn't open? He couldn't bear to destroy the box to find out what was inside, but the thought of leaving its contents a mystery nearly drove him mad. This thing was calling him, begging with him, it was his destiny, it was everything.

Just as his whole body began to tremble, like an addict without his fix, the lock snapped and the lid loosened. A strange glow illuminated from the crack and the box seemed to throb in his hands.

Gabumon's fur stood on end. "We shouldn't be doing this."

Despite his partner's concerns, Matt slid his fingertips in the crack and flipped open the lid. Light burst from the box, intense and blinding in the dark cavern and both Matt and Gabumon shielded their eyes. Then the light burst into sparks and four small figures took its place.

They hovered in the air like floating fireflies, resembling pixies from the fairy tales Matt had read to TK when they were younger. They were all females with long flowing hair and each was surrounded by an orb of color: blue, pink, yellow, or green. Their bodies were naked, but featureless and their eyes were big and curious, each the color of the light that illuminated them.

"Are you digimon?" Matt asked breathlessly. He reached out a hand to touch the pink one, but it darted away from him and flew behind a rock.

Gabumon moved in front of his partner defensively, but Matt only stepped around him as the blue pixie flew closer. Her bright blue eyes studied him, and her tiny lips curled into a smile.

"Hey there… My name's Matt and this is Gabumon," he greeted, then with a sigh of relief he said, "I've been looking for you."

The pixie's smile grew, stretching across her tiny face until it could no longer hold her mouth. Her skin seemed to stretch unnaturally and her body slowly began to grow. Matt stood, mesmerized by the transformation, watching the tiny shoulders hunch and bubble, unmoving as Gabumon screamed at him to run.

Soon a large beast stood before him, glowing with the same blue shade, its huge head tucked between two front paws. Slowly, the head lifted and a feline-like face stared so deeply into him that Matt was sure it could see his insides. Its human-like lips curled up into the same smile the pixie had worn.

"You should have listened to your digimon," its voice boomed. Then its jaws opened wide and headed straight for Matt's face.

"NO!"

Matt thrashed wildly, trying to pry the creature off him, flailing violently as his body tangled with the beast.

His eyes flew open and he found a bed sheet wrapped tightly around legs, locking him in a cocoon. He kicked crazily until the sheet released him. His breathing was rapid and perspiration had soaked his pajamas.

It was a dream.

He sat up and ran his hands over his sweat covered face. "Just a dream," he muttered to himself.

But it wasn't.

The memory left him shaking with dread and regret, wishing that that blue pixie really had devoured him then. He would be better off dead…everyone would've been better off.

Sometimes he wasn't even sure if the memory wasn't some type of hallucination in itself, just something he invented to take the blame. Maybe the entire digital world wasn't real. It was just the illusion of a psychotic kid who murdered his friends on a camping trip and didn't have the balls to deal with the consequences of his actions.

"_Don't think like that, Matt. Even the doc said I was real."_

Matt curled his knees into his chest and looked to his left where fifteen-year-old Tai sat beside him, stretching the elastic band on his goggles so he could readjust them into his large mop of hair.

"You _were_ real, Tai."

Matt ignored the pout on the brunet's face and fell back onto his bed, kicking his feet into the spot where Tai sat.

His toes touched nothing but air.

* * *

The words on the pages were beginning to blend together and his wrist fell limp against his notebook. Writing had always been therapeutic for him, but the risen sun had cast a shadow in his room and his eyes were beginning to water from the lack of light.

Soft laughter and the sound of clanging pans drifted down the hall.

TK rubbed his eyes and tossed the notebook aside. He had to get out of bed sometime. He pulled on a pair of pants that were balled up on the floor and threw on a wrinkled shirt, buttoning it as he emerged from the bedroom and started down the hall.

"So, how did it happen?" he heard Mimi ask.

"Well, when a man and a woman love each other…" Kari's voice teased.

TK's face flushed and he lingered in the hallway.

"I live in New York, Kari. I know love isn't required," Mimi teased back, but the joke only caused a pang in TK's chest. "I mean, how did you two get together? I knew you were talking to each other again but after everything…"

"We just sort of grew close over time. He helped me get back on my feet when I could barely stand to get out of bed. In some ways he's still the little boy that helped save my life in the digiworld."

There was a moment of silence where Mimi must have been waiting for Kari to continue because she then added, "In other ways he's completely different."

"Well," Mimi said after something began to sizzle, "I'm happy for you two. TK will make a great father."

TK swallowed heavily. He had always wanted to have kids someday, but he had hoped it would be under better circumstances, when his relationship with Kari was finally steady, or maybe even with someone else, someone who wouldn't leave him. The thought of meeting his child only to have her take it away was more unbearable then anything he had faced in their on and off again relationship. He wanted to provide a stable family for his children, not the broken home his parents had given him and Matt.

And what kind of father would he be, really? He was a struggling novelist, barely making ends meet. He'd have to take another job in order to support them and his infrequent visits to the mental institution would become even more sporadic. Having a baby with Kari meant his child would never meet its uncle. She'd never allow it.

The plaguing thoughts almost turned TK back to his bedroom, but Mimi had run to the pantry and caught sight of him loitering in the hallway.

"Breakfast is ready!"

"Isn't it almost 1?" he asked, dragging a hand through his uncombed hair as he followed her into the kitchen.

"Anytime's a good time for breakfast!" Mimi declared as she returned to the stove and added some seasoning to a pan.

"Omelets," Kari explained, smiling at him as he took a seat beside her at the table.

"I always order them at this great breakfast place in Manhattan. I've been working on my own version of their recipe and adding a little Asian flair!" Mimi said proudly as she set a plate in front of him and scooped the egg dish onto it.

"Thanks, Mimi." TK pushed his plate in front of Kari. "You should eat first."

"I already had mine," she replied, pushing it back. Then, when Mimi turned around, she whispered, "I could barely keep it down."

"That bad?"

"Oh no, I think it's just morning sickness." Her cheeks tinted pink and she passed TK some salt and pepper.

"I still can't believe it," TK muttered, dashing a bit of seasoning on his breakfast. He took a bite and then added, "I thought we were careful."

"Not every time."

They were both beet red when Mimi dumped another omelet onto TK's plate, burying the one he had barely bitten into.

"I hope you're hungry! I made enough for ten of these things."

When she returned to cooking, Kari said, "She ran to the store while we were sleeping. I think she bought four dozen eggs."

"There wasn't any food in the house!" Mimi defended.

"I order out a lot…" TK explained, mildly embarrassed.

"Kari doesn't feed you?"

"She doesn't cook much."

TK realized Mimi had gotten the wrong impression of their relationship, but it was understandable. They were having a baby together. The conclusion that they were a couple would come to anyone. There was no way she could know that the last time he had even heard from Kari was probably when the child was conceived.

"Who would teach me? You've had my mother's cooking," Kari replied lightheartedly.

A completely new concern suddenly whelmed up. "Did you tell her?" TK blurted.

Kari nodded slowly, looking ashamed. "She came to the doctor with me. We didn't tell Dad yet though. We thought you should be there…"

TK smacked a hand on his forehead and let out a loud verbal groan. "I'm not going to live to see this baby."

"I can come with you two if you want," Mimi offered, pouring more egg into the pan. "Maybe he's less likely to murder you if there's an outside witness."

The corner of TK's mouth lifted in a forced smile before he turned back to Kari. "You know he's going to want us to get married."

"Omigosh! You should!" Mimi squealed, throwing the spatula up to her face as she clasped her hands beneath her chin. "I can help with the wedding!"

TK could almost see the stars in her eyes as she stared into space, most likely already planning the entire event in her mind. He turned to find Kari's eyes glued on him.

"Your parents won't want us to," she said.

TK shrugged. "Probably not."

"What about Matt?" Mimi wondered.

Coming from her, the question was innocent, but the reaction on Kari's face was bitterness and despair.

"I don't want him to know about the baby, TK."

"Kari…He's my brother."

"He's a murderer."

As hateful as the words were, they came out shaking, and Kari immediately pushed away from the table and headed for the apartment door.

TK stumbled over the clutter on the floor chasing after her. "Don't go!"

"I…" Kari stuttered as he touched her arm and her tear-brimmed eyes took in his gaze. "I can't look at you right now."

With that, she pulled away and slammed the door in his face.

"I'm so sorry, TK! I wasn't thinking," Mimi began apologizing profusely.

TK finally stepped away from the door and trudged back to the table, collapsing in a chair. "It's not your fault. This happens all the time."

"But I…"

"It's ok, Mimi."

"I know she thinks he- but I thought since you two were seeing each other that she'd accepted him."

"We're not really together," TK sighed and when he looked at Mimi, it seemed like she understood before he said the words. "I remind her too much of Matt."


	4. Chapter Four

**Illusive Dreams**  
**Chapter Four**

* * *

_March 6, 2012_

His fingers clasped around a cup of pills.

"I thought Dr. Hamada was going to lower my dose."

"Once you're back on your normal regiment."

Matt begrudgingly brought the cup to his mouth and swigged down the pills with the water the nurse had provided.

"You swallowed them?"

He lifted his gaze to the woman behind the Plexiglas and he could swear Sora was staring back at him. "Yes," he whispered.

She smiled and his chest ached. "Let me see."

One patient behind him snickered, but Matt opened his mouth anyway, and then lifted his tongue until she seemed satisfied.

"You'll feel better," she consoled as he stepped away from the counter and she handed the next patient their meds. "I'll let Dr. Hamada know. Maybe that pretty girl will come back to visit you."

Matt forced a smile. "If I didn't scare her away…"

"I doubt that."

The nurse's kind eyes were blocked from his view as a tall patient stepped up to take his meds. Matt shoved his hands in his pockets and walked down the hallway toward the common room. He had managed to dress himself this morning and was wearing blue jeans and a black sweater that accentuated his pallid skin. Besides the occasional smoke break he took with his father when he brought by a pack of cigarettes, Matt didn't get outside much. The sun always seemed too bright.

Inside the common room, a number of patients had gathered to watch the morning news. Someone began screaming and the others futilely hollered at them to shut up.

Matt slumped into a chair beside a teen with black cropped hair who was picking at his fingernails.

"Why do they let crazy people watch the news?"

Matt shrugged. "Keeps us in touch with reality I guess."

"I know what's real, that's the problem. I don't need to see this, I'm on suicide watch. Why would they want me to watch a newscast about some mother locking her kid up in a basement for six years? Is that really gonna keep me from hanging myself?"

"You're such a breath of fresh air, Tetsuo."

The teenager grinned. "I'll take you out if you take me. Do you think we can figure out some way to kill each other at the same time so neither of us gets gypped?"

Matt shook his head. "You're right; they do need to stop showing you the news."

"I know you've thought about it, man. That's what put you in here, I've seen your scars," Tetsuo said, his eyes flickering to Matt's wrists. "You want to check out as much as I do."

Matt absently pulled on his sleeves. "Not anymore. I promised my brother…"

"Promises are made to be broken."

"I don't think that's how the phrase goes."

"No, it's right."

The screaming patient suddenly became so loud that the conversation had to end. Matt could tell that Sora had overheard everything. She was standing silently behind Tetsuo and even though Matt knew she wasn't real, he almost stood to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

* * *

It was sparkling.

Mimi stood back and admired her handiwork as she rubbed her tired hands.

"Doesn't even look like the same place," TK commented after he returned from throwing the last bag of trash into the hallway.

The dingy two-bedroom apartment was officially clean. Sure, there were still wine stains on the carpet, and one of the cabinet doors in the kitchen was hanging off, but the trash was gone, the clothes were folded, and Mimi felt accomplished.

"Let's get ice cream."

"Mimi, its freezing outside."

"Coffee then, with whipped cream."

"Can they put rum in it?"

"Drinks?"

"Deal."

Tokyo seemed like a different place now that she was an adult. The nightlife was comparable to New York City, filled with the young or the forever young, looking for a good time or an escape. The only real differences were the people, the writing, and the language that made Mimi feel at home.

The club was filled with booming electropop and dancing waves of bodies. When TK ordered drinks from the bar, Mimi slipped the bartender her card.

"It's on me," she shouted through the bass.

TK only argued until he realized it was futile, and then graciously took a swig of his drink, barely flinching as it went down like water.

"Give him another one."

When the bartender handed TK a second drink, Mimi held up her own glass in a toast. "You didn't wait for me," she scolded.

"Sorry…"

"To reunions with old friends," she toasted.

"To old friends." TK clinked his glass against hers and they both took a sip.

The music blasted around them and a crowd pushed them away from the bar.

"You don't want to talk about it, do you?" Mimi asked loudly.

"Huh?"

"Hard to talk with music this loud!" she shouted.

TK nodded and took another sip of his drink as he observed the people in the crowd.

Mimi sighed. When she had talked to TK about returning to Japan to see his brother, at first he had discouraged her. He said she was lucky that she didn't have to be so close to the past and maybe it was better if she kept it that way. Of course, after a good amount of arguing and tears, he had consented to take her to see Matt and even offered to have her stay at his place.

They had been in touch over the years, lately talking via Skype before Mimi would head to work, when TK had trouble sleeping (aka: got distracted by the internet when he should've been writing his book). He filled her in on how things were in Japan, especially keeping her up to date after the massive earthquake hit last year. She told him about America and they reminisced about old times, the times before their friends had disappeared forever. As friendly as TK was, there was an underlying hopelessness to everything he did, and Mimi found herself missing the incredibly optimistic little boy she had met during summer camp thirteen years ago.

This TK, who had already polished off his second drink and was rubbing the bridge of his nose to rid himself of a headache, was the aftermath of guilt and loss. He often blamed himself for not being there during that fateful camping trip almost a decade ago. He had been sick with the flu and forced to stay in bed, missing the reunion entirely. He thought if he had been there he might have been able to stop it… stop Matt somehow. TK still claimed his brother was innocent, but Matt's involvement in the disappearance of their friends was undeniable and Kari's testimony made his guilt questionable.

Mimi just felt lost. Even after all this time, she still only knew bits and pieces of the story. If TK knew more than she did, he didn't share. For the most part she was just as clueless as anyone else who read the paper, except she knew the tragedy hadn't taken place in the woods, but in the digital world. Even though the distance had kept the grief at bay, Mimi resented her life in America for the same reasons. It was hard not to wonder if their presence would have made a difference. Her mind wandered to images of their four lost friends: Izzy's brows knit in brilliant concentration; Joe digging through his ever-present bag that he clung to with a neurotic, but reliable nature; Sora with her kind eyes and loving heart; and Tai, fearless and determined as he surveyed the land with a telescope.

The tears that began to fill her eyes didn't go unnoticed by TK. He eyed her drink and gently took it from her hands, then guided her to the one free barstool in the club. He placed two empty glasses on the bar and ordered another round. Mimi took a slow sip of the drink, but TK once again slammed it back.

"It's going to be ok," he said.

His voice was so quiet that Mimi barely heard it through the booming music. As he continued to stare forward into unoccupied space, she realized that his words weren't for her at all.

* * *

When she still hadn't replied after five texts, TK had resorted to calling. The first time it went to voicemail he listened silently to the sound of her voice. The second time he called just to hear it again. This time she picked up.

"TK, I can't talk right now."

"Kari, Kari… dun hang up," he slurred.

"You're drunk."

TK gazed at himself in the mirror of the men's bathroom. The room was off balance and his eyelids seemed to be drooping.

"Yeah."

The door opened as another man came into the restroom, letting in the sounds of the club with him.

"Where are you?"

"Bathroom," TK answered vaguely. "Kari… come back, ok? I miss you."

There was a moment of silence before she finally said, "I got to go."

"Kari, don't," he begged, trying to steady his voice into sobriety. He could still hear her soft breathing. "Don't shut me out. Don't take our baby away from me."

There was the sudden sound of rustling and he could hear Kari's voice, but couldn't make out what she was saying.

"Hi TK." The new voice belonged to Yuuko Kamiya, who sounded worn and tired, but gentle. "Give Kari a little time. She's a bit emotional right now."

TK flushed as Kari's mother proceeded to whisper "hormones" as an explanation.

"We still haven't told her father," Yuuko continued. "She wants to do it with you."

"Nn," Tk mumbled.

"Take it easy with the alcohol, ok?"

"Sure."

"We'll see you soon."

"Tell Kari I love 'er."

"Of course."

When his cell beeped, indicating Yuuko had hung up, TK shoved it in his pocket and leaned heavily against the sink as the effects of the alcohol swam up on him. He wasn't sure how long he had been standing there staring at his spinning reflection when the door burst open and Mimi came storming in, unabashed as she walked past a man using the urinal.

"I was worried you died in here," she said, surveying him carefully and ignoring the protests from the other men. "I think it's time to go home."

TK nodded and stood slowly, swaying, and Mimi wrapped her hand around his waist to steady him.

The cab ride home made TK aware of just how much alcohol he had managed to polish off. Each turn of the vehicle made him dizzy and nauseous and Mimi kept asking him if she should have the driver pull over. All the while, dancing images of Kari and a vision of a blonde baby with sapphire eyes spun through his mind, mixing with a suppressed memory of blood seeping from shaking wrists.

As soon as the cab pulled up to his apartment, TK stumbled out and vomited all over the sidewalk. He could hear Mimi apologizing as he spit the last of the bile from his mouth and then he felt her hand on his back and she slung his arm over her shoulder, helping him to stand.

"Almost there," she soothed.

"He ain't gonna perform well for you tonight, sweetheart," called a man from the front steps of the building. "Why don't you come over to my place?"

"Shaddup," TK shouted in her defense, although he probably didn't come across very intimidating as he slumped against the wall.

Mimi rolled her eyes. "Just ignore him."

Eventually she managed to get him to the elevator where he barely held back another round of puke as it creaked and dropped them off on his floor. Mimi even had to grab the keys out of his pocket in order to get them inside and TK proceeded to get sick again as soon as he got himself into the bathroom.

He was pretty sure all the alcohol had vacated his stomach, but his head still spun so much that he didn't bother to lift himself off the floor. The involuntary tears mixed with the sweat on his face and the last thing he remembered before blacking out was Mimi cooling his cheeks with a wet cloth.

* * *

_March 7, 2012_

Just past noon was probably the worst time of the day. Despite the frigid air outside, the sun beamed in through the window and directly onto his face, burning his irises. Matt's eyes flickered downward, concentrating on the pace of his fingers on the keyboard, merging the harmony and the melody together with the sounds of the noisy audience around him.

It was the time of day the depression always seemed to hit him most. Sometime after he had eaten lunch and his body grew tired of the daily routine. Music was the only thing that distracted him from the agony that slowly ate away at his mind.

"Ishida!"

Matt ignored the burly attendant, unwilling to take himself away from his only cure and face the tired thoughts in his head.

"Mr. Ishida?"

A gentle hand fell on his shoulder and the voice that reminded him so much of Sora pulled him willingly away from his focus. He met the nurse's eyes and briefly wondered if she was just there to haunt him, some other torment he had made up as punishment for himself.

She smiled softly and said, "She came back."

In his peripheral vision Matt saw a young woman standing nervously behind her, garbed in a tiny pair of jeans and a warm sweater with a plunging neckline. It took him a minute to remember the familiar features, but when he did he stood up and smiled politely.

"You came back."

Mimi bit her lip. "So I heard."

"Dr. Hamada would like you both to meet with him in his office for a moment."

"Where's TK?" Matt asked as they followed the nurse down the hall.

"Sleeping," Mimi answered. "He's not feeling well."

"Fighting with Kari again?"

Mimi looked surprised and Matt shrugged, saying, "It's become a bit of a routine for him. Kari leaves him, he drinks, and then I don't see him for awhile."

They were silent for a moment. It was an odd thing to walk silently beside Mimi Tachikawa. Even though she was a grown woman, Matt couldn't help but remember how talkative she had been when they were kids. He usually couldn't get a word in edgewise.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, recalling their reunion. "I'm sorry you had to see me like that."

"It's ok, Matt. I know none of this has been easy on you."

Matt frowned as the nurse opened the door to Dr. Hamada's office and allowed them inside. The doctor immediately stood from his chair and made his way over to them. He smiled warmly as he clasped Matt's shoulder.

"Azami told me you've been taking your medication."

Matt nodded and found his cheeks reddening with embarrassment as the nurse left the room. He tried to take note of her name, but he was sure it would escape him again.

"Ms. Tachikawa," Dr. Hamada greeted, shaking Mimi's hand gently. "It's a pleasure to see you again."

Mimi and Matt took their seats as Dr. Hamada circled back around his desk.

"So," he began, "tell me how you two know each other."

"Summer camp," Matt said nonchalantly as Mimi gazed at him. It was true, although not the whole story. The story he was about to tell was one that he had rehearsed several times since he had been committed. He had occasionally slipped about the digital world during his hallucinations, but his words were always so nonsensical that he didn't think anyone had paid it much attention. "I was twelve."

"Had you met before?"

Mimi shook her head. "We went to the same school, but Matt was a grade older, so we never talked. He came across a little stand-offish back then."

Matt smirked a little at this.

"But he was also really sensitive," Mimi continued. "I think that's how we became friends. He didn't blow me off the way the other kids did when I was upset."

"She was upset a lot," Matt added in an attempt to hide the flush on his cheeks.

"_Tell me about it."_

Matt ground his teeth and tried to ignore the appearance of the brunet. Tai was casually leaning against the desk, staring at Mimi as if he was seeing her for the first time in years, like a one-sided reunion.

Shock finally worked its way across Tai's face and he looked to Matt, genuinely excited. _"She's not wearing pink!"_

Matt almost burst out laughing, but quickly stopped himself when he noticed Dr. Hamada surveying him carefully. His gaze fell to his hands. _He's not real, _Matt reminded himself.

"That's where you all became friends, isn't it, Yamato?"

The question brought a million memories to the surface of his mind. The faces of the children he fought alongside of, the friends that he had abandoned, the same ones that took him back with open arms only to be crushed years later…

"Yes," he muttered.

"Did you know the other children well, Mimi?" Dr. Hamada asked.

The brief silence caused Matt to lift his gaze in time to catch the tears in Mimi's eyes. Guilt overpowered him as she quietly said, "Yes, I did."

"_Oh man… she's crying. It's all you, buddy. You know I don't know how to handle emotional women." _

Matt couldn't help but glare as Tai looked at him expectantly. How was he supposed to handle it when he was the cause of her tears?

"Can you tell me about them?"

Mimi grabbed a tissue from Dr. Hamada's desk, her arm just barely brushing Tai, and used it to dab the corners of her eyes. "What do you want to know?"

"Well, Yamato has opened up very little about your old friends. I'm sure revisiting the past is painful for both of you, but sometimes reopening old wounds is the only way they can truly heal." Dr. Hamada looked to Matt and reached into the bag that TK brought the other day. He slid something across the desk and Matt had to resist batting Tai away when he leaned over to look at it.

"_Heh…those were good times."_

The picture was of all eight of them, taken a year after their adventure in the digital world. Everyone looked so genuinely happy to reunite at the campground where it had all began, if not a little wistful, wishing the reunion was complete with their digital partners. Matt noticed that even he had a smile on his face. Who would've known things could have gone so horribly wrong.

"I miss them," Mimi whimpered, dabbing more viciously at her eyes. "Not just… them… I missed you too, Matt, and TK, and Kari. I've been gone so long, at first because of my parents, but even when I grew up I just couldn't face coming back here. I was scared of learning the truth, too scared to face reality, but I see your faces every day," she was looking at Matt now, "I'm haunted by you all."

Her last words turned Matt's guilt into bitterness. "I doubt that."

Mimi looked like he had struck her and her tears continued to fall in silence. Matt felt the guilt resurface, but he couldn't seem to stop himself.

"You've been hiding away on the other side of the world. You didn't have to be there when they died. You didn't have to watch their families mourn. No one blamed you. You never had to come back. You shouldn't have."

"_Woah, I thought you were supposed to comfort her, not make her cry more!"_

"Shut up!" Matt spat at Tai, causing Mimi to jerk in surprise. He ran his hands into his hair and took a deep breath, trying to block out the sarcastic remarks Tai began to make about friendship. "I thought the pills were supposed to make the hallucinations stop!" he shouted at the doctor.

"You've only been back on them for two days," Dr. Hamada stated calmly. "Once your body has readjusted to them, they should help, but even then they aren't fail proof."

"Then why even bother taking them?"

"Because I can reason with you when you are on medication. You couldn't even communicate with us before."

Matt groaned and unthreaded his fingers from his hair. He reached for the picture on the table. "I don't want to see them anymore."

The smiling faces crinkled in his hands.

"A lot of us didn't get along at first," Mimi said, staring at the crumpled picture. "I always whined and Joe would get irritated with me, even though he was just as bad. In the beginning, Izzy didn't even seem to care about anything but his computer. Matt and Tai were always at each other's throats and Sora had to play mediator for all of us. TK was just an easygoing little kid, but he used to get mad at Matt for smothering him. Kari joined our group much later, but everyone loved her. We weren't really whole until she was with us."

Small tears gathered in Matt's eyes as he watched Tai slump to the floor, listening to every word.

"We went through a lot together. There were fights, some big ones, and we even split up for awhile, but we always came back to each other." Mimi turned to Matt, and he couldn't deny the sincerity in her eyes. "I don't know how to live without you. I've tried to forget, but I can't. We were family."

"Why don't you hate me?" Matt choked.

"Because you're my friend," she whispered. "You were _their_ friend."

Tai looked validated. _"See?" _

Matt only shook his head and for some reason, he found himself peeling back his sleeves, revealing jagged scars across his wrists. Mimi started to cry again, but he didn't try to comfort her.

"It's ok to hate me," he muttered. "I hate myself."


End file.
